Robyn Lieber lay on the floor of her two-bedroom trailer in rural Monona County, Iowa, an overturned glass in her hand, ice cubes scattered across the floor.

Her husband would be driving up the gravel road soon. Maybe if he saw her lying in the middle of the floor he would think she had choked and wouldn't abuse her that night, Lieber thought.

As a teenager, Lieber fell in love with a man she described as "tall, dark and handsome." She became pregnant and married at age 16. Lieber said her husband used drugs and alcohol during their marriage and physically, verbally and emotionally abused her. This was life for Lieber every night until she ended the relationship after 10 years.

"When you're in those teenage relationships, you think that that lasts forever," she said. "After I got into that relationship I found out that there was more to it than I was seeing. I saw drug and alcohol abuse. There were parties at our house, and that was a lifestyle I was not used to."

Lieber, now 45, is telling her story of survival as part of the Iowa Voices Project. Organized by the Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the Iowa Voices Project features 31 first-person stories of survival from women around the state. The stories, which were penned by Katie Thompson, aka Kate Iola, will be distributed throughout October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

"I know exactly what that feels like, to be living in rural Iowa on a county gravel road and thinking, 'Am I the only one in the world that this happens to?'" Lieber said. "Hopefully, by sharing my story and all these stories that these 31 women from across Iowa are sharing, women will be able to see that it isn't just them, that even in the ruralness of Iowa that there are people that will listen to them, believe them and try to help them."

Telling their stories

Between 20,000 and 44,000 women in Iowa suffer abuse in their homes each year, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. In fiscal year 2002, 2,262 women and 2,484 children sought refuge in Iowa's domestic violence shelters.

Sarabeth Anderson, director of development for the Iowa coalition, said the idea for the Iowa Voices Project was born at a fundraising event last April, which Thompson attended.

"That's when we came up with, wouldn't it be great to tell a different woman's story every day," Anderson said. "By the end of the month, people, if they had a stereotype of who was affected by domestic violence, would just be blown away because of the variety of every story is different, every person's different and from all walks of life."

Thompson, a survivor of domestic violence herself, said she wanted to write the women's stories because she wanted to do something to give back. Going into the project, Thompson said she expected that women would be reluctant to tell their stories.

"I was actually surprised that almost all of the women we have interviewed have been willing to speak out and use their names," she said. "I wasn't expecting this good of a response."

Women ranging in age from 22 to 73 participated in the project. Thompson said they came from a variety of ethnic backgrounds and occupations.

"I have professional women, housewives, farm wives, students, a really good cross section, which is also a little disturbing," she said. "These stories are everywhere. That's the disturbing part."

Although domestic violence is discussed more than it used to be, Thompson said a stigma still exists.

"It's more confusing than a mugging," she said. "If someone you don't know attacks you, obviously you call the police. There's still a strong feeling, I think, in the culture that it's not something to talk about it."

Departure and return

Lieber, who serves as the education coordinator for the Council on Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence in Sioux City, is back talking about domestic violence in the area where she experienced years of abuse.

"I'm back in the territory where all of my violence occurred," she said. "There's been a lot of healing in that for me, too."

Lieber said it is normal for women to attempt to leave an abusive relationship five to seven times before they are successful. An incident of physical abuse when Lieber was eight months pregnant with her fourth daughter set her on the road out of the relationship. While she was getting ready for her sister's wedding rehearsal, Lieber told her husband she hoped she had another girl.

"I just remember being hit in the head, and I just remember when I did come to, knowing that I needed to call my mom and let her know that we weren't coming to the rehearsal," she said. "That was a real turning point for me, thinking, if he's willing to hit me when I'm eight months pregnant, I'm not sure what he's capable of."

Lieber started going to counseling and Al-Anon meetings, and one day she got the courage to ask her husband to leave. She said he took his belongings and left.

"It's not always as easy as it was for me," she said. "Does that mean that life was easy? No, it absolutely wasn't. I had been beat up. I was emotionally and verbally run down. My self-esteem was very low, but getting out of that chaotic relationship was a whole different freedom."

Lieber went back to school and earned two college degrees, in nursing and counseling. She's been happily remarried for 16 years.

A few times a week, when she is working for Council on Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence, Lieber drives down the rural gravel road where she endured years of abuse. Today, the landscape is full of crop-producing fields that yield a message of hope for her.

"The message that I get from God is, it's buried. Put that behind you," she said. "That area where I have so many bad memories is now very fruitful and a harvest of blessings, so I really believe this is why I'm supposed to be back in that area."

Warning signs of abuse
-- Ordering or pressuring you to quit work or school. Not allowing you to see
certain people or go to certain places.
-- Not being allowed to go places for "safety" reasons. Always having to be escorted.
-- Making decisions for you.
-- Making excuses, denies actions, minimizes, denies, and blames you.
-- Expressing hostility about past relationships.
-- Ignoring your feelings, interrupting you, putting you down, calling you names,
insulting or humiliating you in public or private.
Source: The National Center for Victims of Crime
If you or someone you know needs help, call (800) 942-0333 (statewide) or call the Council on Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence crisis line in Sioux City at (712) 258-7233 or (800) 982-7233.